Prematurity Sucks, Part 2

Well, it's November again and that means it's Prematurity Awareness Month. I feel, (since no one ever told me) that it's part of my "duty" to make people aware of the impact of premature births. I never in a million years would have thought we'd have a premature baby. I never knew it could happen to anyone.

Some people may want to say to me, "Caleb is all caught up and doing fine, so drop the prematurity issue will ya?!" Nope. I can't. Yes, he's doing fantastic at the moment. Really thriving actually, especially in the past 6 months. But if you saw his chest x-rays this week, you'd see that his lungs remain severely damaged from being premature. If you would come to our house to eat, you'd see that his eating is far from normal. He probably wouldn't have eating issues and we wouldn't have to be so obsessed with what/how much he eats, he probably wouldn't have needed physical therapy, occupational therapy, or speech therapy, he wouldn't have to be evaluated for "special education" preschool, maybe he wouldn't be so shy and unsure of himself in groups of his peers, he probably wouldn't be so sensitive to different sounds, he probably wouldn't have "low muscle tone" as I was told this week, he wouldn't need eye exams every year, maybe he'd like to sleep. I know these things are "minor" compared to the things that other kids who were premature are dealing with, and heck I know I should just be happy that he's here as I know too many people who have lost their child/ren. They'd be elated to have a child like Caleb. Believe me, I know how blessed we are that he's here and doing so well. I thank God everyday for letting us keep our little miracle. My point is, he most likely wouldn't be dealing with this stuff if he had been full term. I feel guilty about it pretty much every day, even though I am told time after time that it wasn't my fault.

Today, Caleb got out his first picture album and he saw pics of himself on the vent for the first time. After I told him the pics were of him, he had tears in his eyes and said "Cawub so sick. Cawub soooo sad." Which of course broke my heart. How do you explain prematurity to an almost 3 year old?

And now that we have a baby who was full term, it's almost like rubbing salt in a wound. Of course we also thank God for Isaac every day. (Again, I know there are people who will never experience having a full term baby. I know how extremely blessed we are!) He's brought so much into our lives in his 8 short months with us. He's a complete joy and I cannot imagine life without our 2nd little miracle. But, watching him develop and do things without struggling or needing help really makes me feel worse about what Caleb has had to endure. When it took Caleb forever to meet milestones, that was our "normal" since we didn't have another child to compare him to. Now we see Isaac hitting his milestones on time and even early with some things and it just brings back how hard these things were for C. Simple things like seeing Isaac babble all day long (Caleb never did this), loving to eat (obviously...he almost weighs more than Caleb already!) or seeing him wake up in the AM and from every nap smiling, laughing, and playing in his crib (Caleb wakes up screaming and upset) just reminds us how much prematurity sucks. Yes, Caleb is/will probably be stronger because he's had to overcome so much and he's who he is because he was premature, blah, blah, blah. I know that. And if I didn't, people tell me that all the time. Yes, prematurity made him who he is today, but I can't help but wonder what he would have been like if he hadn't been so early.

Caleb has a new little boy in his speech class who is a foster child. He was also premature, so his foster mother and I have a lot to talk about. This woman is amazing. She and her husband currently have 4 foster kids, all who were premature. One was born at 22 weeks, and has pretty severe issues from being so early. They are planning on adopting all of them. She told me that when she went to pick up one of the babies from the NICU, there was 6 babies who were ready to be discharged, but they didn't have anyone to take them home. That makes me so sad. If these babies would have been born full term, would they have been left alone at the hospital? I doubt it. Even if their mother didn't want them, I am sure there would have been adoptive families lining up for them.

And just so this post isn't just a pity party for Trisha, I'd like to share a few positives that are a result of all of this. We were brought closer to God and shown how amazing the power of prayer really is. We have met so many wonderful people on this journey. The people who took care of him in the NICU became our family, as did a couple families that also had babies there. We still are in contact with several of them, and honestly we couldn't have gotten through the NICU experience without these amazing people (and our family and friends, of course). And I have met several "preemie mom's" in a support group I belong to. I consider them my friends and without them, I would have surely gone insane by now! They totally "get" what we have/are going through. We no longer take life for granted. Before C, we were young, carefree and really didn't seem to have much of a worry in the world. We had to grow up fast. Caleb has really helped us put things into perspective and showed us what our priorities really are. His will to live has been inspiring to us and all those who know him. I remember sitting in my hospital room and the neonatologist came in and told us that C was very sick and would probably not survive....that they were going to try "one more thing"... if that didn't work, they had done everything they could for him. Look where he is today! He sure proved everyone wrong! He has such a zest for life, and really is oblivious to all the things he's gone through. And have I ever mentioned how funny this kid is?! We don't know what the future holds for Caleb, but I believe that God has great plans for our little boy.

Statistics show that over 1,400 babies are born prematurely everyday. Please support the March of Dimes as they continue to try and find a "cure" for prematurity.